I woke up yesterday with such anticipation and excitement. I could not wait to get our dossier mailed off to AWAA. I barley slept the night before. We were going to mail it last week, but hit a little road bump with one of the documents. Well, we hit another road bump yesterday. To say that I was upset and completely disappointed would be an understatement. Joel might describe me as completely irrational. In his sermon on Sunday, he stood up on a chair and said "DO NOT MARRY CRAZY!!" Well, Joel, I think you married "CRAZY". What did I do with my disappointment? Did I get on my knees and pray to the God I know is completely in control of this? Did I turn on my favorite worship song and sing praises to Him? Did I pull out His word and seek His wisdom? NOPE. I wallowed in my own self-pity ALL. DAY. LONG. Sorry, Lord. Sorry, kids and husband. I was mad. Things were not going my way. Of course, God is saying "seriously, Erica, how many times do we have to go over this? I am in control of this, NOT YOU!!!!" I sat on the couch ALL DAY just sobbing and acting like a fool. I went to bed upset.
I woke up this morning upset. I didn't even want to get up. I didn't even go to BSF which I know I would've heard a word from God. But, I did open up His word and I did turn on my worship music and I reached out to Him. I began with my Jesus Calling devotional and the first words are "REJOICE AND BE THANKFUL!" Oops....that is NOT me. "Thankfulness lifts you up above your circumstances." "I do my greatest works through people with grateful, trusting hearts" Oops...NOT me again. I completely shut Him out. My heart was not trusting. Then, I started to pray specifically for my children. I have a little card that I pray different things for them everyday. Today's was about Contentment. CONVICTED!! What kind of example am I to be for my children on being content if I am not content? "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phillipians 4:12-13 For some reason, I have always skipped over verse 12, or never really paid attention to it.
I am so thankful for a God who meets me right where I am. That He does not expect me to be perfect and that His grace is sufficient.