"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." John 14:18

Monday, October 31, 2011

Drained

I am emotionally drained which is also making me physically drained.  So, if you have seen me lately and I look drained...well, I am!!  God has been really molding me and it has been painful.  He is changing things that I was not prepared for or ever thought of.  There have been lots of tears shed this week.  Adoption is the hardest journey I have ever been on.

One of my favorite worship songs is "Hosanna" sung by Hillsong.  Two lines in that song make me cry every time.  "Break my heart for what breaks yours" and "Open up my eyes to things unseen".  I pray this every morning.  God continually does this for me.  He broke my heart for the orphan and opened my eyes to His calling on my life. This past week he has opened up my eyes and broken my heart yet again.  He has called me and Joel in a slightly different direction.  Not huge, but just not what I had in mind, not what I had planned for.  (maybe I should stop praying for this...HA!)  I am not ready to share yet, but soon....This past week, I was led to this verse Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will."  I am so thankful that He leads me to His word in these times.

The uncertainty of the road ahead is hard.  Isaiah 7:10 says "If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all".  I am going to continue to trust Him no matter hard or long or difficult this is.  I love in the book of Job how God responds to Job by asking him who created this world? who makes the sun rise and the sun set?  who tells the ocean where to stop?  who set the stars in motion?  Where you there, Job?  He wanted us to know that He is completely in charge, He is in control.  God is God and we are NOT!!!  He is BIG and does not fit into a box.  I am guilty of trying to fit Him in a box and trying to control His every move.  It only makes things harder.

This weekend I was able to do a ropes course.  I was completely terrified.  I don't like heights or free falls...and that is pretty much what this was.  I had to climb a giant pole and stand on a wobbly platform and then I was attached to a rope.  Then I was told to jump.  I had to choose whether or not I was going to trust that that rope was going to hold me.  So, I did.  I jumped.  And, it wasn't so bad. It was actually fun.   It is the same way with God.  I just need to jump in with faith, He will carry me and I just need to enjoy the ride!!


My face says it all!


2 comments:

Sarah said...

??? praying for you friend!!!

Anonymous said...

HI Erica-
I so needed to read your latest blog. Thanks for the words of courage. We too are going through an adoption which has been nothing like the placement of Ethan. It is trying, discouraging, maddening, and tearful but through your words I have hope. Thank you for sharing on your blog and I'll continue to pray for you and your family.
Wendy WT