"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." John 14:18

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Wait

If I took out all my journals from my whole adult life, there would be a recurring theme.

Lord, give me patience.  
Lord, light a fire in my heart for you.  

In my 20s, as a newlywed, I prayed for patience DAILY!  I had none.  Everything I wanted, I wanted right then.  I struggled.  Joel was in seminary.  I couldn't have the things I wanted.  I wanted to be like everyone else.  I wanted more money, a home, children.  I would also see people that were so passionate and on fire for God and couldn't figure out where that came from.  I wanted to be like them.  But God said "wait".  

Then, God blessed me with three wonderful boys.  One of my answers to my prayer for patience.  If being the mother of boys does not teach patience then I don't know what will!!! HA!  But, I prayed for a daughter.  But, God said "wait".  

He called me to adopt.  I thought it would be easy.  The wait times were 7-11 months.  That was over a year ago.  Again, God said "wait".  

Today, the wait times have increased again.  God has again said "wait".  The wait times are now 24-30 months.  We have waited 18.  30 months will be a year from now.  Another year of waiting.  Last month, I would've flipped out.  I would've cried and thrown a pity party.  Last month, all things adoption threw me over the edge.  It is just part of the journey.  It is hard.

I cry today not because I am sad, but because he has been answering my prayer over and over and over again.  He has taught me how to have a patient heart and through the waiting he has lit a giant fire in my heart for Him.  The wait has taught me how to fully lean on him.  I didn't know that before.  I relied on own strength a lot.  When things don't turn out the way I had planned, relying on my own strength causes me to fall to pieces.  It doesn't work out so well.  He is my strength.  

In BSF this year, we are studying Genesis.  The first week in Genesis 1, we learned about God's attributes.  I am amazed that in the very first chapter of the bible we know exactly who God is and his plans for our redemption.  I remind myself daily of two of these attributes.  

*He is self-sufficient.  He did not need my help in creating the world, nor does he need my help in deciding when my daughter will come home.  He already has a plan set in motion.  I am to walk in obedience to him and trust in him.  

*He is all-powerful.  He spoke and the world was created.  He spoke and plants and animals were created. When God speaks, things are set in motion.  God is not defined by wait times.  When it is time for Annie to come home, God will speak and it will happen.  I take comfort in this.  "The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it."  1 thess 5:24

While I wait, my faith grows, my patience grows, the fire in my heart for him grows.  The wait is where I am changed.  

So, here I am....waiting....for an unknown amount of time.  Sometimes I wait well, other times not so much.    So thankful for God's grace and mercy when I am waiting impatiently. And,  I am so thankful for how he has changed me by simply saying "WAIT".  

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