"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." John 14:18

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Expectantly

Over the past 2 1/2 years, I have attended BSF.  God has spoken to me so clearly through these studies. Last semester in the study of Genesis, I had been really disappointed.  Don't get me wrong.  I have learned so much about this book.  It is an incredible book.  But, I had not felt God working in me through this study. Was I not listening?  For the past two years, I have left almost every single week thinking that the lecture was written specifically for me.  Genesis, I just wasn't getting that.  I talked with a wonderful nurse friend of mine who also attends BSF and she has been blown away by Genesis this year.  What was wrong with me?  But the past two weeks, God has really blown me away.  I have been convicted and changed.  I love when He does this.

I go through so many different emotions when dealing with our adoption.  I go through phases of peace and complete trust, times of despair and impatience, times of fear, and then repeat the whole cycle again.  Last week, we studied Genesis Ch. 24.  It is about Abraham sending his servant to find a wife for Isaac.  As he goes to the well to find a wife for Isaac, he begins with prayer and he prays EXPECTING God to show up, he prays SPECIFICALLY for what he needs God to show him. And before he finished praying, the woman (Rebekah) came out and she said and did exactly what the servant asked God to show him.  Here's the convicted part...OUCH!  I have been lifting up our adoption to the LORD, but in the back of my mind, I have been doubting that it will happen.  Then the cycle begins...trust, despair, impatience, fear, repeat.  I realized that I need to pray EXPECTING this to happen and pray SPECIFICALLY for what I want God to do.  This has changed me so much.  And then I began to look back at Genesis and realized that God has been moving in me the whole time and maybe I was just not wanting to listen.  Stubbornness, pride....

It has been so eye opening to see how even Abraham was not perfect.  God spoke directly to Abraham.  He told him of the promises and blessings he had for him.  He made a covenant with him and still Abraham took matters into his own hands.  God promised him that he would have descendants too numerous to count.  I think he told him this nine times.  And he still didn't have faith.  But, God still had grace and mercy on him.  I am overwhelmed by his grace.  I don't deserve it.  None of us do.  

The week before, we looked at Ch. 21.  Sarah becomes pregnant at 90 years old.  The child they had been praying for.  Ch 21:1 "..and the Lord did for Sarah what he had promised.  Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him."  God did what he promised and it was on His timing.  Not on Abraham and Sarah's timing.  

I am praying in faith that God can and will do ANYTHING!  I am praying EXPECTANTLY for Annie.  I am praying SPECIFICALLY that she comes home this year.  And I am BELIEVING that he will do as he promised but I also need to  trust in HIS TIMING!!!  God know whats best for me!  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5

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