"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." John 14:18

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

25 months and BIG WHINY BABY!!

You know what it feels like to be at the very end of your pregnancy?  You have waited for this baby for 9 months.  You bought new clothes for your growing body, you bought new clothes for the new baby, you prepare a room, you have showers. There is so much excitement and anticipation. But then, 36 weeks arrives and it becomes the worst 4 weeks of your life.  There is no sleep, food goes down but it burns coming back up.  Tums become your BFF.  No clothes fit, your back aches and you are just so ready to meet your baby.  You don't care how they have to come out.  The best thing about this is that it is for certain the last four weeks.  There is an end in sight.  You have a due date.

Adoption, not so much.  No due date.  The excitement and the anticipation is there and then the end of the wait comes, but there is no end in sight.  Do you prepare a room now?  Is it too soon?  Should I make summer plans?  Do we sign up for the adoption conference?  Oh, it is sooo hard.  It is so hard to be patient.  It is so hard to trust in the when.  It drains me some days, some weeks. I have just become tired, and weary (just like you do at the end of a pregnancy).  People ask all the time "When is she coming home?"  I love when people ask me about her because it means they are thinking about her, but I have no clue!!!  

We have been waiting for 25 months.  The average time seems to be around 26-27 months right now, but we just don't know.  I should've entitled last week "The week I acted like a BIG WHINY BABY"!  Such lack of faith, so many tears.  I truly acted like a toddler.  But, the funny thing (or not) is that my BSF lecturer started off this weeks lesson saying "God's timing is perfect...."  And the notes started out "Do you ever think that God has forgotten you?"  HA!  How did they know I needed to hear this.  God knew.  He knew exactly what I needed to hear.  I love how he stands beside me no matter how I am acting.  We have been studying Joseph in BSF and it has been the perfect time for me to be in this study.  I want to be like Joseph.  He was sold into slavery by his brothers, he was wrongly accused of rape by his employer's wife, he was thrown into prison, he was forgotten by the cupbearer.  But, God was preparing him all along.  Joseph did not become bitter.  He knew God was with him and blessing him all along the journey.  God delivered him and gave him everything he needed during the wait.  He was preparing him for his future. God never forgot him.  

 He has not forgotten me.  He has not forgotten our daughter. I am praying that I will just LET GO! When she comes home, it will be God's perfect timing.

Now, off to get my fingerprints redone.  Third times a charm, right??


happylittlewonders said...

Oh Erica. :(

Please know that I pray for your guys regularly on this journey and will be SO excited when you finally bring your girl home!

The Morgan Family said...

You are meant to be a writer! You really bring the reader in with your words. Praying that the '3rd time is a charm" God has a fantastic plan!

Erica said...

Thanks so much to the both of you! That is funny, Angie! English was always my worst subject!!!

Lainey-Paney said...

I'm in my big whiny phase, and I can only imagine the not-knowing-of-a-definite-end-in-sight! Every day I tell my baby girl that she can come out, but I agree, that God's timing is perfect. That's one thing that we learned at the end of our infertility journey. His timing is perfect, and our journey is just what we need it to be...

Hang in there!
...and yes, I think you can get started on that room! Why? Because there's something about going into those rooms...and waiting for them....it's like bonding before they are even in your arms. Your heart has prepared a place for her, so go ahead and prepare a place for her at home! {That's my opinion anyway...}

....and when you lay out the numbers: you're at month 25, and the average wait time is 1-2 months longer!? It seems like you are sooooo close! Hope you really are, and you get the call any day now!

Donna said...

It is getting close. I can feel it!!