"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." John 14:18

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Waiting

If you could pick one word to describe the last 3 years, it would be waiting.  You would think I would be a professional by now.  Right?  Well, I am NOT!  That last post entitled "Peace"...well that lasted for a week.  I almost wrote in that post that this is probably the calm before the storm, but I was hoping that it wasn't so I was afraid to write it.  Yesterday, I got an email that was about a new process that will begin on September 1st.  There will be more screening inbetween referral and court.  This means that the wait time from referral to home has extended from 4-6 months to 8-10 months.  Oh, my heart just broke.  I seriously felt like I had been punched in the gut.  We are so close, but now it is getting further out of reach.  I was in a room by myself at work (besides the babies) and it was hard.  It was hard to be alone and process all of this.  I had a good talk with Carrie on the way home and we laughed through our tears.  I got home and Joel had prepared yet another Ethiopian meal (he is getting good at this) and he let me watch my all time favorite movie "Legally Blonde" (sweet, sweet Hubs). And then I went to bed and just prayed.  I prayed that I could wait like Abraham, like Jacob, like Joseph.  I prayed that I could wait without bitterness or anger.  I prayed that I could just trust and not try and figure this all out.  And, I woke up with a renewed spirit.  I felt peace again.  I could breath again.  I am still sad.  It is painful to think about when I finally get to see her face that it will take many months to actually get to hold her.  It will be painful to see her getting older, missing milestones, maybe even missing another birthday.  That makes me sad.  But, this does not come as a shock to God.  He knew this was a part of the plan, our journey, all along.  He has already gone ahead of me.  He has already written this story.  It is not my job to write it.

How funny is it that I open my email today and there was a link entitled "How to live through a long hard waiting season in your life".  Actually, not funny at all, because that is just how Awesome God is!
The blog post was by Paul Tripp and if you are in a waiting period, I recommend you read it!!  
He says:
"It’s vital to understand that waiting isn’t an interruption of God's plan. It is his plan. And you can know this as well: the Lord who’s called you to wait is with you in your wait. He hasn't gone off to do something else, like the doctor you're waiting to see. No, God is near, and he provides for you all that you need to be able to wait."
I LOVE THIS!!!!  This wait is HIS PLAN!  I will never understand the ways of God, but all I know is that is ways are so much greater than my ways.  No matter how hard I try to figure out when she will come home based on all these timelines,  I will never figure it out.  God is not bound by timelines and wait times.  He's BIG.  His plans will not be thwarted.  

This is Joel's favorite verse and it is starting to become mine too.  Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."  In the NKJV it says "The Lord will fight for you; and you shall hold your peace." 
I am not a tattoo fan, but if I was, I would get this imprinted on my body somewhere so it could serve as a constant reminder.  Or, maybe my translation "It's not your job, Erica, it's MINE!

I pray that I would just let him do the work and I would just hang out here and just let Him.  I am sure He is tired of me trying to take control here.  So, I wait.  I wait and wait and wait.  Maybe another year?  Who knows...but, every step of the way, I am becoming more of the woman God is wanting me to be.  With every step of the way, I let go of more and more junk.  More and more flesh.  I give him the glory for that!!

No comments: