I have recently just lost hope on the adoption front. I have prayed so hard for so long and then I just gave up. I asked others to pray because I just couldn't do it anymore. My heart had grown weary and complacent. 2 1/2 years is a long time on an emotional roller coaster. It is a long time waiting where the future is completely unknown. The joy, the anticipation had been sucked right out of me. But, this morning, God had a word or two for me. A breath of fresh air. A renewed spirit. The first thing I read is that joy is not dependent on your circumstances. Oh my!
"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior." Habakkuk 3:17-18
This is where the problem lies. I am looking at the fruit being produced to find my joy. As long as we are steadily moving up that list, I rejoice in the Lord! But, when it is dry, when there is no crop in the fields, my joy is no more. My hope is lost. I need to rejoice in the LORD even in the dry places. I need to have joy even when it seems that we are stuck. Even when it seems that this process will never end. I read this today and it really struck me.
"This is the blessed life-not anxious to see far in front, nor eager to choose the path, but quietly following behind the Shepherd, one step at a time...The Oriental shepherd was always out in front of the sheep. He was down in front. Any attack upon them had to take him into account. Now God is down in front. He is in the tomorrows. It is tomorrow that fills men with dread. God is there already. All the tomorrows of our life have to pass Him before they can get to us." Rev. F.B. Meyer
God is there already!!!!! Why can't I just let it go and just have hope? He knows this story and He is sovereign. All the worry, lack of faith, lack of hope that I have put into this....it is a waste of my time and steals my joy!
"For he will complete what he appoints for me, and many such things are in his mind." Job 23:13-16
Then I read in Jesus Calling "Be willing to follow wherever I lead. Follow me wholeheartedly, with glad anticipation quickening your pace". Oops! Wholeheartedly....not a complacent heart, not a weary heart. A joyful heart.
So, I am diving back in. I WILL NOT STOP praying for God to move mountains on Annie's behalf! I WILL NOT give up hope. I WILL NOT be complacent. I will follow wholeheartedly with glad anticipation. I will rejoice in times of plenty and in want!